How to respond?

[pitsandboxers]

Hi everyone.  I am new, just joined tonight, but I am very relieved to find this forum and hope to get some advice from some of you all who have gone or are going through what we are.  My husband is going through withdrawal from vicodin, and we are on week 5.  I need some advice or suggestions on how to respond to this situation.

I will do my best to make a long story short.  About 5 weeks ago, Ken felt so bad that he wanted to go to the ER, but did not want me to go with him.  Although I had suspected that his vicodin use had gotten worse and asked him about several times, I trusted him and believed him when he said it was fine.  He was going through withdrawal and didn't want me to know.  Of course, I was worried and insisted on going with him.  He told me in the waiting room what was really going on (all the while, I was thinking he had H1N1!). 

We are now going through week 5, and he has pretty much stopped cold turkey.  He is getting better everyday, but still has bad days.  Here is where I need advice.  I go back and forth on how I should be reacting to this situation.  Some days I want to do anything and everything I can to make him feel better, even if it means catering to his every need, cooking him food and bringing it to him, letting him sleep all day, being okay with him not doing ANYTHING around the house, etc.  Other days, I just can't take it and I get completely fed up with having to do everything around the house...all the while being pregnant! 

So all of you who are recovering addicts, or have been in my siuation, what should I do?  Be the supportive wife who feels completely taken advantage of?  Or be the wife that plays tough love and makes him fight through this?

[forme]

hello and welcome to the forum. 5 weeks of being off the opiates he should be well past the physical part of the w/d.The mental part of the addiction is hard but physically he should be alot better.Mentally he will have cravings and his mind he will want to take opiates for a while.Being supportive is one thing that he needs but he does need to get up out of bed and try to keep as busy as possible. Sitting around all day thinking about taking pills is not good for him.He will have some good and bad days,we all do.

Hang in there,we are all here for you.Be strong.

                                           Good bless,
                                                           Forme

[sorryone]

Hi
 I think what you are feeling is absoulty normal...especially pregnant!  What type of syptoms is your husband having?  How far along are you in your pregnancy?
  Keep us updated by posting..
Stay Strong..
sorryone

[gamegirl]

Hello,

I hope you are doing well today. I agree with sorryone it is normal to feel how you do. I hope your husband gets through this fast for his sake and so that he can help you out. If you ever need to talk or anything feel free to get in touch me. Remember we are here for support and a shoulder to cry on. You are in my thoughts.

We can do this!!

Amanda

[pitsandboxers]

Thank you all for your responses!  The past few days have been really great for my husband.  He has his energy back and is close to being back to "normal" (whatever that means!).  Before this week, he had still been very lethargic and unmotivated to do anything. 

Hopefully this streak will continue because we have a lot to do before the baby comes (I am 25 weeks pregnant) and none of it are things that I can do (paint, put up a chair rail, build the nursery furniture!).  I do stil find myself questioning him a lot on just about everything he does because his pill taking all happened pretty much behind my back and underneath a lot of lies.  That is something that I still struggle with and he doesn't understand that.  When I do ask him questions, he asks me why I am asking him that and I tell him that I am going to have questions and that I deserve answers.  I do not think that he is back on the pills in any sense, but I do have moments when I feel very vunerable. 

I will say that I am so happy to have found this forum because we have been dealing with this between the two of us.  None of our family/friends knows what we are going through and I am a person who likes to talk and share my feelings with the people I am closest to, so that has been hard on me.  Thank you!

[gamegirl]

Hello,

I am glad to hear things seem to be improving with your husband!! I think it's normal to have some vulnerable feelings. But as time goes on hopefully they will disapear. Congrats on the baby!! Please keep us posted on your progress and if I can ever help in anyway I will. I am around quite a bit.

Happy New Year and Remember we can do this!!!!!

Amanda

[trisha]

Hello,

I am going through somewhat of a similar situation. My boyfriend has been trying to get off of opiates since we have met. He has just today left the third treatment/ detox program that he has gotten into. He says that he hates it, it's cold, he can't smoke when he wants, it's dirty, and he doesn't have me. He has been sober for three days now and I just really hope he can do it this time! His family won't talk to him anymore because he left and I am all that he has. I am not sure how to help him.. I just really want him to get better and I have read about how bad it sucks to withdrawal and everything, but I don't know how to help keep him away from things. Any advice? Thanks and good luck to you!!!

Trish

[gamegirl]

Hi Trisha,

Just thought I would say hello and give you a welcome to the forum.Also I think it is awesome that you are helping with this. There are no easy answers to give on how to keep him away from the opiates. They always say that you must be the one who gets clean and wants to be clean. You can find my story at I am new here, listed in the new members introduction area.

The physical withdrawal feels horrible but he has to remember it only lasts about a week. In my case it was 3 to 4 days and I started to feel better. The roughest part of the process is the mental dependency. Our brains may nag at us just one little fix and it won't hurt. But once an addict always an addict.

The best thing you can do for him in my opinion is to continue to be an encourager and a support system for him. You may want to get into a hobby with him or try something new. I have found that if I keep busy and focus on the positive blessings in my life it helps. Try to keep him busy,busy,busy. I know from personal experience that it is easier said than done.

I am 26 days clean! I have felt better than I have in the last year. I also withdrawaled cold turkey from 10-12 vicodin 10's and 3 50mg demerol a day. So remember the hell of the withdrawal also encourages me never to want to go through that hell again.

I think it is awesome that you are supporting him through this difficult time in his life. I hope you guys can get through and go back to enjoying life. I hope some of my suggestions help. I am always around if you need some to vent or just to talk to. Please keep posting and let us know of his progress. I also suggest that maybe he gets on the forum and reads  our experiences. Maybe that will help him as well. I will quit rambling now!!

Remember we can do this!!

Good Luck and Happy New Year!

Amanda

[sorryone]

Hi Trish
  My son is 7 days out of a 6 month long rehab program. He was clean over 20 months & relasped  He only stayed in because he would have spent that time in jail.  I made an arrangement to bail him out & put him right into an inpatient program.  He also hated it there because of all the reasons your BF mentioned. 
  Did  your BF go thru withdrawal in the detox?  Is he attending any meetings? What is his drug of choice?  I believe in the tough love approach.  You have every right to ask him what he is doing, going etc..if you are all he has left then tell him that..he can pick you or drugs but you have to mean it.  I am concerned because he has left 3 times..so has he used after each time he left?  I also went to AlAnon meetings (not for everyone but i just take what i want & leave the rest) for my son's problem.  Sometimes you get good ideas on how to handle things & those people have someone they love that is using.  Keep posting here, you can always send a private message if you have questons or just want to vent!

[sorryone]

Hi Pits
  I am glad to hear your hubby is doing better!  It is normal to wonder what he is doing & ask questions..after all this addiction was a surprise to you.
  Is he excited about the baby?  When he paints you should be out of the house & leave the windows open, the smell is not good for you & the baby.  Do you know the sex of the baby yet?  My daughter is preggers with her 2nd (first is a beautiful 9 year old girl) & we will find out the sex in Feb when she has her ultrasound.
   Feel free to send a private message to me if you have questions or just want to vent.  I check here every day.
Happy First day of 2010...wow I can't believe we are in 2010!
Robyn
 

[pitsandboxers]

Hey Robyn!  Thanks for your post.  Yes, he is excited about the baby, nervous (we both are! It's our first!), but still excited.  He has done the painting and hard wood staining when I am out of the house and when it comes time to paint, we will do the same, or at least make sure the house is well ventilated

We are due in April and are NOT finding out what we are having!  It is getting harder the farther along we get (at least for me), but I know it will be well worth it to share that moment together and share with our families.  We get frustrated because everyone seems to think that we care about their opinion when it comes to that decision and they think we should find out just because they want us to!  So frustrating!  Yes, I know it would be easier to shop for clothes and what not, but as my husband says "We have the rest of our life to buy girl or boy clothes for our child...what is 9 months going to matter?"  Plus, we would get all the big stuff in neutral colors anyway so that we wouldn't have to buy new things for the next one if it is a different sex!

Anyway, I am up in the middle of the night tonight (it is 3:42am here and I have been awake since about 1:30)...a lot on my mind, my husband's recovery one of the many things! 

Thanks again for all your support! 

[sorryone]

Hi Piits
  How exciting you are waiting to find out the sex!  My  niece did the same thing..it was a wonderful moment for them when the doctor announced the sex of the baby.  I have this weird sense & know 99% of the time what the baby will be.  My mother was like that also.  It is just a strong feeling but anyway for her baby shower I bought her a baby dress & wrapped her stroller in a "it a girl" bag.  They had a girl.  The only one I did not know was my own daughtrer! 
 Sorry about the paint comment, I am just a mom to everyone!  I am glad you took that precaution.  You are right about neutral colors for a next baby.  Stick to it & be surpirsied once you welcome the baby.
 Keep posting - you have to let me know what the baby is so either stay on till april or come back & tell me LOL
Robyn