One day at a time...

[jagannatha]

Hi Patrick,

That's an awful lot to keep inside unresolved. Glad you let it out.

I'm of the opinion that a loving relationship between two people always benefits from honesty. It brings you closer together to be vulnerable with each other. For you to ask for her help might make her realize how much you need her. That said, it really depends on the two people, the nature of the relationship, how close you are, how intimate you are (emotionally). If this is a committed relationship, that's all the more reason to be honest. It's easy to be honest about the good stuff, but what really brings intimacy is sharing in the difficult times. It's a real test, but it's what solid relationships are built on.

It's not easy, and it's not always well-received, but in most cases, it's the higher road.

And how can you hide something that has been such a big part of your life (good or bad) from someone you love?

It really depends on the nature of the relationship though. I think she'd have a lot easier time understanding why you can't be physically intimate with her for a few days if she knew that you were trying to get clean, than if you lie about it. I know I would.

It's your call, though. I don't know her and there is a risk that she could be turned off by the idea that you've been using again, though only a hard-hearted person wouldn't have compassion for someone trying to quit.

It just seems like adding another complicated element to your sincere effort to solve this problem isn't going to help. Honesty is such an important aspect of living a clean life. So much about using depends on dishonesty. And that's the real soul-killer.

I know whatever decision you make will be right for you. The main thing is trying to cultivate self-honesty and staying clean.

I am so proud of you for ditching everything and trying to go cold turkey. I know you will be successful!

jag

[Patrick]

Hey I'm still doing well.  There's more to the whole story than I've posted.  Other elements involved in this whole thing that I'd rather not get into to anyone who comes to this site.  Could talk through PM if that's okay.  Anyway I can't sleep but still going strong so to speak.

[sorryone]

Patrick
 Great!  Keep doing what ever is working for you!  Please  PM me, it would help to know the whole story.
R

[jagannatha]

Patrick, I'm so glad you are doing well! I'm relieved, actually. Yes, feel free to PM if you want.

jag

[sorryone]

Hey Patrick
  How are you today?  It seems like you were up late last nite.  Hope things are going well for you.
R

[sorryone]

Patrick
  I am getting nervous..drop in & let me know how you are or PM me
R

[nadene]

Patrick, Hi

Welcome!

How are you doing now?

Nadene xxx

[Patrick]

I'm sorry for not posting sooner.  I screwed up again.  Long story short I'm back to 0 hours again but I'm still fighting this.  I went three days this time.  For some reason the 3rd day was really brutal for me.  I managed to coax a friend into lending me money and a car @ work.  I had gotten a bunch too - to last me a couple days through the work week and tomorrow I will be out again.  

I was really hoping to be posting with some good news but alas.  Going to try coming off it this weekend again and if I have to take some sick days at the beginning of the week then so be it.

I'm going to post again tomorrow for sure, don't mean to worry you guys, thanks again for caring.  I will hopefully send a PM or two out as well.

How are yas doing?

[sorryone]

Patrick
  Practice makes perfect,.as long as you want this it will happen.  The third day is the peak day so maybe that is why it happens then. Next time just get thru one minute at a time during that 68-80 hour thing.  Before you know it time will have passed (even when a second feels like an hour) & you will be past it & heading to better days.
  Remember there is no judgment here.  Most people have not been successful on their first or even 5th attempt.  Do you have any comfort meds to get you thru?  That may be something to consider so you can get thru the peak day.
Hang in there  & please post, even just hi
thanks

[jagannatha]

Hi Patrick,

I've been thinking about you. I'm glad you posted. I agree with Robyn -- you may need more support in terms of other meds when the going gets tough. What is the hardest part for you when it gets to be around the 3rd day? It's probably not a bad idea to analyze what's going on so you can (and we can help you) get through it.

I spent a lot of time in hot epsom salts baths when I was at the 3 - 4 day. Sometimes I took 3 baths a day or would get up in the middle of the night and take a hot shower. The anxiety and creepy crawlies were the worst for me. For you it may be something completely different, like the cravings.

I think taking this weekend to do this, plus a few sick days next week sounds like a good plan. Don't worry, you'll do this!

jag

[jagannatha]

Patrick,

How's it going? How was the weekend? No matter what is going on, just give us a post and let us know if you are okay.

jag

[Patrick]

Sorry, I haven't had access to a computer.  I told my girlfriend and asked for her help which she has helped me.  I actually went down this weekend on Saturday to the same area where I bought dope and instead picked myself up 5 suboxone.  I've been taking 1/2 2 times a day and today I'm switching to 1/4 twice a day.  I did some research before I went into this and I'm hoping the withdrawal from this shouldn't be too bad.  I'm going to see today how long I can go until I feel like I need to take anything.  I also got sick like soar throat and fever sick in the mean time I think from smoking too many cigarettes.  So it's been weird being sick but not WD sick....the best feeling of the suboxone is knowing that I can't use any other opiates for 2-3 days so there's nothing to worry about for the time being.  And now that I have my GF's help it seems like this is going to work out.  I should be back at work tomorrow and I'll be able to post there.  Thanks for all the advice and encouragement.

[jagannatha]

Patrick, I'm so happy for you. I'm so glad you found a way to do this, and I imagine doing it with your girlfriend's help is less isolating and overwhelming. And it really does help the relationship to reach out for help and be honest. It involves the other person and builds mutual trust.

Suboxone seems to be the way to go, especially because you can't use while you are on it, and it sounds like you've got a manageable dosage going. This is great news!

As far as getting sick during/after withdrawal, I just saw this article today about opiates and the immune system. I got a cold not long after I quit too. Apparently, it's not unusual:

http://www.vicodinwithdrawal.org/opiate-withdrawal/opiates-immune-system/

Getting away from these drugs is good on so many levels. Good for you, Patrick. Keep us posted.

jag

[sorryone]

Jag
 Funny how you post that today.  I woke up with a "cold" today. Kind of felt generally lousy.  Interesting article, as usual you are awesome!

Patrick- Glad you told your GF-support is good.  You will succeed. You want this. Glad you posted, we get worried ya know

New member Totoro has lots of good suggestions also, check out her posts

[Patrick]

Ah yeah interesting article...makes sense, it's just very confusing to not be going through WD but to still be sick.  Took my last half suboxone today.  I have enough to take 1/4 for the next 3 days then I'll have to deal with the WD from the suboxone.  My guess and research indicate that  the WD from taking a total of 1/2 suboxone for the last 3 days should be significanly less unpleasant.  Plus once i'm out of suboxone I'll still have the buprenorphine in my system so i wouldn't be able to get high for 2 or 3 days anyway so I'll just have to deal with it.  Not looking forward to it but I am looking forward to after that.  I also plan on going to meetings probably starting next week after the WD.  I'll keep  yas updated but I can't wait til this is all behind me and I'm feeling better and able to enjoy the nice weather.