First time i ever told the truth..

[beansareforkids]

I have been using prescription pain meds since the 8th grade (ya i know). I began buying and taking 40mg oxys throughout junior high. I quit for a year and then started up again in high school where i kinda went crazy. In high school i came to school almost everyday high i was spending/stealing hundreds of dollars from my parents (parents have a lot of money), i took everything from morphine to vikodin and everything in between. Around my junior year i began free basing my oxy (yes it can be done). I have been smoking oxy non stop since then with maybe a short one month or two break.

Now into my second year of college and in my opinion the worst addicted state of my life so far. I have been secretly stealing 200-300 dollars a week to support my drug habit from my parents. I have already had a brother go through rehab for the same thing and i cant bare to see my parents go through it again.

That is why i want to quit on my own. So far i have been a day sober, however i took a suboxone. Tomorrow i am going to purchase another 10 suboxones to hopefully lessen the withdraws. Its been about 6 months since i have really been clean for longer than 3 days. I have also began to smoke black tar heroin which is way more cheaper and potent. With that im scared im going to get even more addicted. Every time i get high i cry myself to sleep thinking about what im doing to my life and my family. If my parents found out they would be devastated. I want to quit for good, not just for my parents but for myself. I know i cant do this forever and now is good as any day to quit.

I have no support and no one to talk to. Anything would be much appreciated

[sorryone]

Hi Bean
  Good to hear you want to stop - your parents may be upset at first but will support you - my son is a recovering heroin addict.  I am glad he came to me. 
  I am also sending you a private message.
With the sub you really need to talk to people who know how to use it.  You have to be at a certain level of withdrawal before you use it or your withdrawal will be worse.  It should also be used for a very short time because it has a longer life, the withdrawal is stronger.
  The cheap heroin is what put my son in jail. Yeah it costs less money but costs are more in losing your life!
R
 

[jagannatha]

Hi Beans,

Just taking the step you have, to examine the situation and want to change, is HUGE! Getting to that point takes some time, and even though you've been using for a while, the fact that you are so young means that 1.) your body will bounce back much more easily and you'll be able to handle the withdrawal better than if you let this go further and 2.) you have so much to look forward to. You'll look back on this as a blip in your life when you get past this and find the freedom and honesty that wait on the other end. Good for you!

It's not easy to break a habit that's had a hold on you for so long, but you can do this. It's going to take as much psychological and emotional growth as it is physical stamina to deal with the withdrawal. If we start young depending on drugs (opiates in particular, but even alcohol or whatever) instead of learning how to cope and solve problems as we would without the substances, we learn instead to find instant gratification, instant avoidance. So there will be an adjustment period and you'll have to be willing to try to see things differently. You may want to get involved with NA/AA and find a sponsor who can help you get through that adjustment.

If you can't be honest with your family at this point, that's understandable. It sounds like they have high hopes (no pun intended!) for you and are supporting you and giving you a good education. I can understand why you feel bad about stealing from them. Is there addiction/alcoholism in your family?

It's sad and scary to me that an 8th grader could begin a drug habit because I am the parent of an 8th grader right now!

I'm almost 6 weeks clean from Fentanyl and Oxycodone for pain. No matter what the reason we get hooked into the world of opiates, it always ends badly. You just can't keep up with the ever-increasing demands of that Demon! No one wins that battle.

I'm so glad you are reaching out for help. We are here for you, and as I said, you may want to investigate NA/AA and see if there is someone who can be a confidential guide for you.

Keep us posted on how you are doing. If you have any questions about how to go off, let us know.

There is a guy on here named FishBuzz who used Suboxone to go off, and he knows a lot about it and how to go off that when the time comes. You can look him up under "members" and send him a private message. He hasn't been on in a while, but he will respond to you if you ask.

peace,
jag

[gamegirl]

Hello Beans,

My name is Amanda and welcome to the forum!! It is wonderful that you want to quit!! We have all been there. I have been clean almost 90 days from a vicodin and demerol habit. I feel fantastic!


I know it is a long dark road of hell, but you can do this!!! We are here for you!! Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I would recommend benadryl for sleep, hot baths for rls, advil for pain, and keep busy. I know from experience it is easier said than done!

Lots of Hugs,
Amanda

[beansareforkids]

Thank you so much for the responses you have no idea how important it is to me to actually be able to talk to someone about this! I have decided to not tell my parents at this point and like the person mentioned above, my parents think very highly of me (no pun intended) and think at this point it would do more harm than good. And yes i personally believe that both my parents have problems with alcohol... it has been mentioned in the family but thats beside the point right now.

Anyways i used today, i felt as if i needed to get high for that "one last time" as i write this right now im high and it made me cry reading your guys responses (i also felt i let you guys down hah). You have no idea how good it made me feel being able to talk to people about this. My life will begin again starting tomorrow as that will be my first day of sobriety.

I will keep you guys posted. Thank you thank you thank you!! This means so much to me being able to talk about it, like ive mentioned already i have NEVER been able to talk to anyone about this problem.

OH i also wanted to say that the NA thing might not work out....like i mentioned earlier i have a brother that is sober from the same thing and im scared to death i will accidentally run into him or his friends at a meeting and they will spill the beans to my parents causing them to be even more depressed/alcoholics.

Ryan

[sorryone]

Hi Ryan
  We get very attached here so make sure you drop us a quick line so we know how you are.  What did you use?  Please stay away from the heroin...you will get hooked in a minute...so dangerous.
   Just keep an open mind about telling your parents, there may come a time when it is the right time to tell them.
R
   

[jagannatha]

Beans, there is no judgment here. This is a good, safe place to be honest. If you find that you need someone locally to help you get through the tough times (especially cravings, which will be strong at times as your brain is trying at adjust and it needs its fix) there may be a counseling center on campus or a county health clinic where you pay a sliding scale fee. There are also online NA meetings, which I have never tried, though some on here have. So I'm wondering if they have online sponsors as well. You could always google NA and see what you come up with. I totally understand you not wanting to run into your brother or his friends. I just want to make sure you get the support you need.

We are here for you, that's for sure! But sometimes you may need to talk to someone asap, so see what you can find.

You can do this!

jag

[Patrick]

Your story sounds at least somewhat similiar to mine in the fact that you started taking things early on and then slowly and progressively it got out of control.  I too started with pills - whatever I could get my hands on - and then upgrades to heroin years later.  I to was stealing money from my parents to fund my habit, definitely isn't a good feeling.

It's really hard to quit this stuff as I'm sure you are aware but the fact that you posted here is a good sign that you DO want to quit.  Do you have friends in your life that you use with?  That's one of the biggest problems in trying to quit, if you want to quit and your friend(s) want to it becomes extremely hard to say no unless you've got some kind of support in your life.  Meetings are a good idea, but if you can't do that at least some literature and even this forum is at least some way to communicate how you''re feeling.  I'm about to head home from work so I'll have to reply more later. 

[devilsdandruff]

Dude you can quit! I just quit with suboxone and it has been 5 days. I started on lortabs in middle school and worked my way up to oxycontin by the time I was 18. I'm 20 now and was spending all my money on it. I even lost my apartment so I could support my habit. I've hit rock bottom but am working my way up. I finally broke down and told my mom everything and I thought I would feel horrible after but really I felt relieved. She and my friends have given me a lot of support and w/o them i don't know what I would've done. You should get help and keep taking those subs! I like snorting things and actually snort my suboxone. I also take vitamins and L-Tyrosine for energy. I also have this badass pain spray for my back. All these things together work wonders! Just stay positive!! You can become free again

[jagannatha]

Ryan, I'm checking in on you today. I hope things are going well.

It's too bad this site was so badly spammed. So we are all going off opiates -- does that mean we want to buy viagra? Come on!

Anyway, let me know how you are doing.

jag

[dissaray22]

Good luck, man.  I don't have much advise... I've only been clean a few months and it does suck. BUT, not as much as being broke and sick and withdrawn all the time.

Chris